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I'd go gay for you - Chapter 4

Title: I'd go gay for you - Chapter 4: I'd tell you if I dared
Author: agiponpon
Pairing: Ryo/Tegoshi, Koyama/Tegoshi
Genre: romance, hurt/comfort, erotica (in later chapters)
Rating: G (in this chapter)
Chapter: 4/8
Disclaimer: I only own the story...
Summary: Tegoshi came out of the closet and might feel something from someone. But who?

A/N: Suuuuch a long time from my last update. I hope everyone still remembers me... Feel free to read the first chapters again if you don't remember what has happened, because from my point on view things are getting intresting here. I've already written chapters 5 and 6 too, but you know, since I can't translate them myself it's all up to rappu. I hope they will be up to sooner than later!

”Hey Tegoshi,” Massu said. ”I know I promised that you could come here anytime, but shouldn’t you go home every now and then?”
Tegoshi lay on his stomach on Massu’s fluffy, cream carpet in his living room, read Massu’s comics and ate Massu’s chips. Massu watched in horror how a salty bit crumbled into tiny particles, that would get lost into the carpet, ready to contaminate anyone unlucky passerby unless he vacuumed his carpet right away. During the last three days Tegoshi had created a worse mess in the small, neat apartment that Massu had managed to do in his entire life. He was happy to host his best friend, but Tegoshi’s sloppiness wreaked havoc on his nerves especially now, when the younger boy was behaving so absent-mindedly spoiled.
“No, actually,” Tegoshi said without tearing his eyes off the comic. “Skull-kun is at my parents’, so he’ll be okay.”
“And spare clothes?”
“I can borrow yours,” Tegoshi chirped and folded the corner of the page. It was a habit Massu couldn’t stand.
“We use totally different size clothes,” Massu pointed out and tried not to stare at the dog-ears disapprovingly.
“It doesn’t matter, bigger clothes are more comfortable.”
Tegoshi seemed to have a more or less sensible counter to everything, and Masuda scratched irritatedly his cheek.
“Listen, Tegoshi,” he said in a fraction more seriously before the other managed to rise to go get more snacks, comics, iced tea, anything. “If you don’t want to go home for some reason, you can say it straight. Is something bothering you?”
Tegoshi sat up and shrugged.
“Not really,” he answered, too brightly to sound honest. Massu sighed.
“You’ve been here for three days,” Massu noted. He tried to make Tegoshi notice how strangely he had behaved lately, but no avail. Tegoshi could be clingy and want attention, but he had never been so dependent before. He barely let Massu go to the bathroom alone.
“If you don’t want me here, you can say it straight. I’ll just find another place to stay,” Tegoshi said, slightly insulted. He pouted and glared at Massu accusingly, as if his sudden loneliness and need for company were his fault.
“It’s not that I don’t want you here,” Massu sighed and stared at an empty bag of potato chips that Tegoshi had forgotten on the floor after emptying it first. “I’d just like to know why you’re here.”
“Do I need a reason for that?” Tegoshi asked guiltily and picked imaginary lint from the soft carpet.
“Aren’t we friends?”
Tegoshi’s accusation made Massu blush slightly.
“Yeah, I think so,” he said nervously. Working as an idol had made him get over his shyness, but every now and then it reared its head again. Tegoshi lifted his gaze and looked cheerful. His large, brown eyes glimmered sweetly.
“Aren’t we?” he said, clearly contented. Massu looked surprised. Wasn’t it obvious? “In that case, can I talk to you about something?” Tegoshi asked.
“Of course,” Massu answered, nonplussed. Was this why Tegoshi had set fort at his place? Did he have something big on his heart, something he wanted to talk about? He sat on the carpet, next to his friend and colleague and paid him a questioning look. Tegoshi would have all the time in the world if listening would make him worries lighter and his want to sleep in his own bed return.
But as Massu told him to pour out his heart, Tegoshi turned shy, as if he wanted Massu to dig out the truth by force.
“It’s nothing,” he mumbled humbly, but Massu had made his decision. If he could regain the peace and comfort of his home by listening to Tegoshi, he’d force the issue.
“Tesshi, tell me.” Massu’s voice was gentle. He was within reach, so he could pat his friend’s shoulder if necessary, but still far enough to maintain his personal space. Tegoshi squirmed nervously before he decided to talk.
“What does kissing mean, Massu?” It was a quiet, innocent question. Massu felt like rolling his eyes, but decided to take the subject seriously for one last time. If Tegoshi wanted to talk about the kiss in the dark after this, he would tell his own honest opinion even at the risk that it would hurt Tegoshi’s fragile feelings. “It means that you like someone more than as a friend,” Massu explained, patiently as if to a child. “That you love another and want them to know it.”
Tegoshi fiddled the carpet absent-mindedly and stared at his fingers. “So friends don’t do that to each other?”
“No, at least, not in Japan,” Massu confirmed. “Tegoshi, if you’re talking about the kiss in the dark--“ he continued, but Tegoshi interrupted him.
“Massu, Ryo kissed me!”
For a moment Ryo blinked his eyes. Ryo?
“In the dark?”
“No! I’m not talking about that. Do you remember when I got mad at the ramen restaurant?”
Massu nodded and Tegoshi continued:
“I forgot my coat there and Ryo-chan promised to return it to Jimusho. I went to get my coat there, and bumped into Ryo-chan. We talked for a moment, and then…”
Massu listened to Tegoshi’s short story and nodded.
“And then he kissed you?”
Tegoshi nodded. They were silent for a moment after the revelation.
“Massu,” Tegoshi whispered. “Do you think he’s got a crush on me?”
Massu was quiet for a long while. He couldn’t be sure. But as Tegoshi’s expression turned into disappointed anxiety, he hurried to give an acceptable answer.
“Yeah, I think he might have.”

Tegoshi was thankful for all the friends he had who would support him in both good times and bad. Without Massu he might have been insulted by the kiss that Ryo had pressed on his lips. He would have sunk into a hopeless melancholy. In the worst case, he would have been disappointed in the whole humanity and his life, stopped believing in miracles and Santa Claus, and ended up living in a forest with forty-seven cats. Even the thought of such a destiny was horrifying, and he could only thank Massu for preventing it. For a moment he had almost lost his self-confidence and positive attitude, because Ryo’s behavior had been so weird. But now, now Massu had cleared his mind. It was natural, understandable that Ryo had fallen in love with him. Everyone had. How could he have ever imagined differently?
The problem was that Ryo seemed very shy about the whole thing. For the whole of the day afterwards, he had been avoiding Tegoshi, even leaving him completely without attention. He had only talked with Yamapi and looked at his watch more than at him. First it had been understandable, even sweet, but as the hours went by Tegoshi had grown more and more frustrated. He understood if Ryo wanted to keep the incident a secret and needed time to digest all the overflowing feelings, but avoiding eye contact was simply too much. At worst he didn’t even avert his eyes which would have been pretty cute, but instead he acted as if NEWS had suddenly turned into a five-man band and Tegoshi into thin air. It was cruel, mean, arrogant and offensive, and as the setting sun coloured the Jimusho-building’s rooms golden and made dust dance in its last rays, Tegoshi had had enough.

After the dance practice, the six members went into their dressing room to wash, gussy up and change clothes before going home. Tegoshi decided it was the best moment to confront the problem.
“Ryotan,” he cooed in the same silly voice which made fans scream and faint in concerts. He waved the hairdryer like he had done a couple of weeks before, when Koyama had dried his hair. Now his hair demanded to get dried. Water flowed to his bare shoulders and face, turning into tiny, pearl-like drops.
But Ryo didn’t even glance at him, leaving his charming existence without any notice, and concentrated on his chat with Yamapi.
“Ryotan!” Tegoshi repeated and pouted. Shige looked at him and frowned. Apparently the girly, flirty behavious made his stomach turn. “Ryotan, wouldn’t you like to dry my hair?”
Even Yamapi looked at him and then turned back to Ryo, but Ryo acted as if he hadn’t heard a word, pulling a black shirt on him as if in deep concentration.
“Tegoshi.” Koyama smiled wide, looking hopeful. “I have time. I could dry your hair.”

Other attempts to get Ryo’s attention turned out equally unsuccessful. It was as if Ryo systematically ignored him, and every time he had been cornered, Koyama cut in. When Tegoshi wanted to borrow moisturizer, Koyama offered him some. When Tegoshi splashed tea on himself, Koyama hurried to him first with a warm towel. Nothing could escape Koyama’s caring eyes, and Tegoshi noticed he ended up getting babied by Koyama time after time after time. Tegoshi loved his Kei-chan, of course he did, but he was starting to feel cornered.

“Ryo-chan,” Tegoshi called for probably the tenth time that evening. He had left sweet-talk be, partly because of his frustration, and was talking almost normally. “I’ll borrow some money off you. I want another bottle of tea.”
Without asking for permission, Tegoshi marched confidently up to Ryo’s locker, in which his leather jacket was hanging, and started rifling through the pockets in hopes of finding a hundred yens. He found nothing, but when he moved onto the breast pocket, someone grabbed his wrist and thrust his hands coldly aside.
“Stop touching my stuff,” Ryo growled threateningly. Tegoshi looked at him like a deer in headlights, eyes big and round.
“But you didn’t listen to what I said. I thought you wouldn’t mind,” Tegoshi said innocently and fully aware that you shouldn’t go to other people’s pockets without permission. Ryo seemed more annoyed than angry, and it looked like he was barely containing himself. Tegoshi wasn’t sure why the atmosphere had turned so tense. It probably had something to do with him going through other people’s things.
“But now that you’re there, you can lend me two hundred yen, can’t you?” he cooed happier than before. Ryo didn’t even glare at his puppy-dog eyes, only took a step back with a deep sigh. He didn’t even deign to answer the question.
“How annoying…” the older boy muttered, threw his leather jacket on his shoulder and stomped outside. Tegoshi felt as if a cold wind had blown through his ribs and frozen his heart.

Koyama noticed the change in his friend’s humor immediately. He saw tears glistening in the boy’s large eyes, lips turn downward and neat eyebrows frown. Tegoshi had never looked so beautiful, and even then it broke Koyama’s heart. After Ryo and Yamapi left, Tegoshi ran out of the dressing room, probably to buy tea, and Koyama went after him.
For some reason he felt like a spy, as he watched from afar how Tegoshi beelined for the nearest vending machine, pushed his coins inside, chose his drink and picked up the can. It was as if he was watching something he wasn’t meant to see, and it made him feel strange.
Tegoshi turned and saw him, Koyama cleared his throat and flashed him a dazzling smile. Tegoshi returned the gesture dully.
“I thought you’d get tea,” Koyama said and nodded at the soda can Tegoshi held.
“Yeah, I was going to, but then I decided I need sugar,” Tegoshi answered and gave him a stiff smile, as if he’d wanted to cry. Koyama wanted to embrace him right then and there, but of course, he didn’t. Actually, he hadn’t even touched Tegoshi.
“Excuse me, I’ll get back to the dressing room,” Tegoshi mumbled and tried to walk past Koyama.
But Koyama couldn’t leave things like that. He grabbed Tegoshi’s hand to stop the boy, succeeded as he walked past. Tegoshi stood still, didn’t turn to face him. Koyama had to tug at his hand several times before he got Tegoshi to turn around and get eye contact.
“Koyama… Do you think Ryo-chan hates me?” Tegoshi asked.
Koyama was quiet for a long time. Somehow it felt as if his heart was breaking, but he wasn’t sure why. Was he jealous? All of him wanted to tell Tegoshi that Ryo hated him with every fibre of his being. That Ryo would never want to see him again, but that Koyama would always be there for him. That Tegoshi shouldn’t even try to speak to Ryo, that Ryo was completely his own demographic that shouldn’t be approached.
But he couldn’t. His honest heart demanded the truth, no matter how much it wanted Tegoshi.
“No, I… I don’t think he hates you,” Koyama muttered into Tegoshi’s ear. Forming words was surprisingly difficult. He knew they would comfort Tegoshi, who seemed to fuss about everything day after day, but speaking was still difficult. Why was Tegoshi so hopelessly worried about Ryo? Why couldn’t he shed tears for Koyama?
“Did he say something?” Koyama continued. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it…”
Tegoshi shook his head, face against his shoulder. His lips brushed Koyama’s neck above his collar, when he turned his head. Koyama trembled. His embrace of the boy turned a bit tighter, as he hugged Tegoshi passionately.
“He… Said I’m annoying,” Tegoshi mumbled against Koyama’s neck. Koyama would have chuckled if the situation hadn’t been so intimate and serious. It was just like Tegoshi to get upset about something meaningless. Everything seemed to annoy Ryo when he had a bad day. The taxi would be too slow, food too expensive and the planets aligned wrong, and it was nothing personal. But Koyama understood how serious the situation was, and acted accordingly.
“You’re not annoying,” he said and felt Tegoshi grasp his shirt harder. “He just had a bad day. You know how he’s like then…”
Tegoshi nodded quietly and stood still for a moment, before extracting himself from Koyama’s embrace. Koyama was surprised to notice that Tegoshi hadn’t cried.
“Thank you, Kei-chan. You saved me again.” His smile was now more real, and Koyama couldn’t help smiling himself.
“That’s what fr… That’s why I’m here,” Koyama answered, unable to say the word ‘friend’. No, friend wasn’t enough. Even the thought made his heart break some more.
“Thank you!” This time Tegoshi’s smile was completely genuine, and Koyama felt he could let the boy go on his way. Or, strictly speaking, himself. He walked out of the building anyway, with his things packed up into a big bag. When Tegoshi seemed a bit more cheerful, he could leave happily.
For a moment he thought he was leaving, but then he remembered an important thing. A very, very important thing that he had to tell Tegoshi right away.
“Tegoshi,” he said and turned around to meet the boy’s questioning gaze. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell this before. I… I was the one kissed you in the dark. I’m sorry, I…”
Koyama couldn’t find the right words. Instead, he blushed, turned and ran away. He knew his sin, and he didn’t want to face a single judging look in addition to his heavy conciense.

Tegoshi didn’t know how long he stared after Koyama, eyes big as saucers. Koyama’s words had frozen him still. His insides didn’t feel chilly like when Ryo had said he was annoying. This was a different feeling. It didn’t make his insides ache; it only made him freeze and stare, until his senses slowly returned.
Had Koyama kissed him? It was hard to believe, at least at first. But as he stood still and thought for a minute or two, it all started to make sense. The kiss started to feel natural and logical. Of course Koyama had kissed him. Who else could it have been? Ryo? Impossible. Ryo thought he was an annoying brat, whereas Koyama… Koyama seemed to esteem him. Koyama wouldn’t leave him without attention, Koyama wouldn’t talk over him, Koyama would never berate him. Koyama really admired him, and that was something Ryo could never attain. Ryo was just…
“Why are you standing there?”
It was Ryo’s voice, and Tegoshi jumped from sheer fright.
“W-what?” he stammered and fluttered his eyelids at Ryo.
“Why are you standing there?” He repeated, judging Tegoshi with his eyes. Dark eyes observed everything Tegoshi was wearing, as every centimeter in his body, as if those could offer him some answers.
“I…” Tegoshi glanced at the soda in his hand. “I got this. I was thirsty.”
Ryo raised his eyebrows, and Tegoshi moved nervously.
“And you? I thought you went home,” Tegoshi said.
“I can’t get past you. You’re standing in the middle of the hallway.”
Tegoshi stared at Ryo, abashed.
“I’m standing here because you’re in my way. What if you moved a bit,” Ryo said and cocked his head impatiently. Tegoshi didn’t see other options than moving aside, so Ryo could get past him. He bit his lips, as the darker and older boy walked by him coolly. Once Ryo had walked about ten steps, Tegoshi turned to call him back.
“Ryo-chan!” he exclaimed, sharker than he’d meant to. Ryo stopped. “Don’t you have anything else to say?”
Ryo turned slowly around and Tegoshi was surprised as he saw a playful smile play on the boy’s lips.
“Maybe I do. Any suggestions?” Ryo walked closer, hands deep inside the pockets of his jacket.
An apology was the first thing Tegoshi thought of, but he realized it was a stupid idea. It’s wasn’t Ryo’s fault if he annoyed Ryo.
“If you told me?” Tegoshi felt unsure. He didn’t like the games Ryo loved to play.
“The stuff I wanted to say?” Ryo asked and grinned. Tegoshi gulped and nodded.
Ryo seemed to think about it for a moment, and Tegoshi was surprised by his thoughtful expression. But it changed into the usual smirk before Tegoshi could react.
“If I told you…” Ryo stepped closer to Tegoshi. The boy had seen this threatening stance before, and backed off a little. Not enough, his pride didn’t allow that, and so Ryo caught up with him easily.
“What indeed?” the older boy whispered.
Tegoshi swallowed and tried to respond to the dark, piercing look. Ryo placed his thumb on his chin, his index finger under, and forced Tegoshi to look him in the eye.
“If I told you I kissed you in the dark? During the powerout. That I did it, because I like you. What’d you say to that, hm?”
Tegoshi felt as if his heart tried to burrow out of his chest. Not only because of what Ryo said; why had Koyama told him the same thing just moments ago? And really? Ryo? Tegoshi couldn’t form a proper sentence in his foggy mind that Ryo steamed up.
“Tegoshi?” Ryo called him almost gently, and for the first time he didn’t feel at all mean or ironic.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 5th, 2012 02:44 pm (UTC)
lol finally an update!!!!

Koyama beat Ryo in confessing. lol

I hope you update soon again.

thanks for sharing and updating.
Apr. 5th, 2012 02:56 pm (UTC)
I wonder if the fastest one is the winner? :D
Thanks for your comment! ♥
Apr. 5th, 2012 04:09 pm (UTC)
I hope not Im voting for ryotego. lol
Apr. 5th, 2012 04:42 pm (UTC)
Ahahaha! There are four more chapters to come!
Apr. 5th, 2012 11:53 pm (UTC)
Ahhh! An update! Hoorah! Heehee~

So much intensity O: The beginning with Tegomass was adorable <3 However in the middle, Ryo was a meanie D< For goodness sake I was yelling in front of the computer screen, "NOOO! DON'T IGNORE HIM RYO!" x.x Seeing Tego sad just breaks my heart >.< And then oh my! The kiss in the dark is still a mystery in my mind xD Any one of em would've kissed him lol! But it just keeps getting interesting~ The interactions with KoyaTego and RyoTego are amazing haha.

Keep it up! Update soon x3 -Cherri <3
Apr. 6th, 2012 02:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your long, warm, wonderful comment!♥ I'm glad you found this so intensive~! And I'm very happy this moved your emotions too!
Ryo really can be a bastard, can't he? I wonder if it's just because he's confused about his feelings... He also told Tego that he kissed him so he can't be completely ignorant, right? I wonder which one of them is lying...
Thanks for reading and I promise to update as soon as possible!
Apr. 6th, 2012 03:31 pm (UTC)
i've been waiting for this♥
Apr. 6th, 2012 04:34 pm (UTC)
I hope you liked it! ♥
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 10th, 2012 05:45 am (UTC)

Miiku ehti kääntää mulle kuutosen :D MUTTA! Mulla ois sulle käännettäväks 4200 smuttii jos sua kiinnostaa.
Apr. 11th, 2012 11:45 pm (UTC)
yatta! Finally an update! oh God now it gets complicated!
Which of the two really kissed Tegoshi?
Especially because Tegoshi Ryo is bad in public? Ahhhhh! I look forward that there is a new date nature I want to know how to read!! Keiichan sad if you think Shige, facts spoil a little from him.
Apr. 12th, 2012 07:52 am (UTC)
Thanks for your comment!♥ I try to update more often. xD
Just keep reading, maybe we'll find out who kissed Tego and who's lying... ;D
Apr. 15th, 2012 04:39 am (UTC)
Sorry for commenting late but I love your story ^_^

Ryo's so confusing! If I didn't ship RyoTego like nothing else I'd say Tegoshi should go to Koyama. Koyama's so sweet to Tegoshi but Ryo's kind too in his own way but maybe because he still doesn't know how to handle his emotions that he's suddenly so mean. Ryo should just be honest with himself, everyone knows he has a soft spot for Tegoshi!

I wonder who kissed Tegoshi though. Thanks for the update! Looking forward to the other chapters :)
Apr. 16th, 2012 04:37 am (UTC)
Thanks for the comment! They're always appreciated, late or not! ♥

Ryo is a bit of a douschebag right now... I think it's because of confusion though, it's not like he kissed Tegoshi just to bully him, right? Or maybe he needs his time and overly excited Tegoshi annoys him. Or maybe he's jealous of Koyama...
But who doesn't have a soft spot fot Tegonyan? :D

Please keep on reading, I try to update as soon as I can!
May. 7th, 2012 07:00 am (UTC)
i feel so bad for Tego when Ryo was ignoring him, so mean ;_;
but the last part was kinda sweet because for once Ryo's not acting like a jerk lol RyoTego ♥
i thought i was so sure that Koyama was the one who kissed Tegoshi in the dark, and then Ryo confessed too. now i'm confused ><
praying you'll update soon!!!
May. 9th, 2012 07:55 am (UTC)
Thanks for your comment! ♥
I'm a bit twisted but I like it that you're all confused now! It's a little mystery here, teehee~!
I'll try my best to keep updating! Once again I have to apologize for taking so long...
May. 19th, 2012 01:46 pm (UTC)
RyoTego <3
i really miss these two together !
and This was just .. amazing ! i really like it ^^
keep writing please :3
looking forward more RyoTego xP
Thank you by the way ^^
May. 19th, 2012 03:02 pm (UTC)
I will, thanks for your comment! ♥ I wish them too but they will live forever in this fandom!
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )